yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
