in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
