She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
