Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
