are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
