So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
