ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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