I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
