After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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