So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
