I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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