Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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