We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
