NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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