so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
