32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
