there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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