I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
