he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
