I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
