Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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