Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
