Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
