If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
