My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize