hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize