And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
