Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
