put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
