So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
