Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
