It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
