I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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