i just had sex bonerless
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
A+ Viking dick
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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