My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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