Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I look better un-naked...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize