I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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