You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
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