So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
