Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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