i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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