White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
