I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
