You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Say something about gay babies.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
