I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
