the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
