Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
