I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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