You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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