I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
