I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize