What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
