where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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