i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
