cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
