You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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