Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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