there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
