I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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