shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
