You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
