We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
