i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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