so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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