Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
