Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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