oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
