And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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