I want to walk on stilts...naked
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
