In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
