R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
