My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
