If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Randomize
