Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize