her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
