Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
