we have pet lesbian snakes
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
