I showed him my bush... on skype.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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