Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
