Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
