if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
false alarm, still single
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
