I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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