he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
